CHAPTER EXCERPT FROM Infertility Success, Stories of Help and Hope for Your Journey
I grew up in a single-parent home with an incarcerated father, which brought about its own set of challenges and hardships. I was a typical little girl, playing house, pretending to be a mom, and caring for my life-like babies. I was naturally the nurturing type. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but I never imagined it would happen at such a young age. Shockingly, I was in junior high when I became pregnant after having sex for the very first time. I was 14 years old.
Figuring out how to raise and financially support another human was scary, daunting, and, honestly, didn’t seem possible. Without any support from my family, there was no way I could do it on my own, so my mom drove me to a clinic in a neighboring state, and I had an abortion. I was 12 weeks pregnant. I have a hole in my heart that only that baby can fill, and the pain, shame, and guilt still haunt me today.
I know my life would have been so different as a teen mom. Around the same time, I got to witness the struggle and sacrifice first-hand when one of my closest friends also became pregnant. She had the support of her family, went through with her pregnancy, and raised her baby. Walking that journey alongside her was a constant reminder of what I had done and the baby I didn’t have.
I graduated high school with honors and headed off to college, where I met my husband. We dated for 5 years before getting married. Shortly after we got married in 2010, I embarked on somewhat of a wellness journey when I started working for a holistic supplement company in the animal health industry. I became inundated with learning about preventative health and natural wellness, for both pets and people.
After waiting a year and a half, we wanted to start a family, I was 29 at the time. So, I stopped taking birth control, ditched the Adderall, cut out soda, and started taking a prenatal vitamin daily.
Sadly, five months into my fertility journey, my dad got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I became his primary caregiver and together we made dietary and lifestyle changes to improve our health. We started buying more organic meats and veggies, choosing non-GMO products, eating less packaged food, and cutting down on processed sugar. We were more intentional with taking our supplements every day and were introduced to the world of essential oils and aromatherapy.
Surprisingly, two weeks after my dad finished his last day of treatment, we found out we were pregnant! We were ecstatic and over the moon with excitement! Having just gone through one of the toughest seasons of our entire lives, this news was such a blessing. We quickly made a doctor’s appointment to get confirmation, and the day we heard the heartbeat for the very first time, I experienced a wave of unexplainable joy and gratitude. I thanked Jesus repeatedly for hearing and answering our prayers.
We went out to eat with some family members to celebrate, but our celebration was short-lived. Not long after getting home from the restaurant, I started cramping and passing small blood clots in our bathroom. I had never experienced a miscarriage before, so I was unsure if that’s what was happening. I retrieved the clots from the toilet and we rushed to the hospital. After being admitted, an ultrasound confirmed there was no heartbeat. I was sent home to rest, get comfortable, and wait for my body to stop bleeding, which could take at least a week or more. The thought of having a miscarriage never really crossed my mind. We were completely devastated and with broken hearts, we buried our baby under the old bodark tree, not far from our dog, Bit-Bit, who had passed away earlier that year. It was a sad and difficult time, to say the least. If I’m being really honest, at that moment, I questioned whether I was even worthy of being a mom…
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If you're experiencing recurrent miscarriages, it's important to get to the bottom of what's causing them. Here are three tests you should ask your doctor to run.
When trying to conceive and maintain a pregnancy, understanding potential medical challenges is crucial. Hormonal imbalances such as insufficient progesterone and abnormal thyroid levels can significantly impact pregnancy outcomes. Both conditions can be diagnosed through simple blood tests and, if necessary, treated with medication to create a more conducive environment for pregnancy.
Additionally, bacterial infections and blood clotting disorders, often overlooked, can lead to recurring miscarriages. Urea Plasma, a bacteria hard to diagnose due to its unique characteristics, and Factor V Leiden, a genetic blood clotting disorder, highlight the complexity of diagnosing and treating conditions that hinder pregnancy. Awareness and testing for these conditions, including Antiphospholipid syndrome known for preventing proper implantation, are crucial steps towards achieving and maintaining a healthy pregnancy.
Seeking comprehensive medical advice and exploring all testing options, such as those detailed for Factor V Leiden, Antiphospholipid syndrome, and more, can offer valuable insights for couples struggling with fertility. Joining specialized groups and consultations can provide additional personalized guidance and support tailored to individual circumstances in the journey toward parenthood.
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For some couples, Mother's Day is a time of sadness and stress. This is especially true for couples who are struggling with infertility. If your wife is dealing with infertility, here are a few ways that you can help her feel special on Mother's Day.
First, try to be understanding and sensitive to her feelings. Make space for the two of you to have some uninterrupted conversation time. Don't make assumptions about how she's feeling about the day. Listen and be willing to share how you feel too.
Second, giver her space if she needs it. Don't obligate her to attend a Mother’s Day brunch or any other activities if she's not feeling up to it. If you need to, choose to celebrate with your own mother on another day or from afar. Which leads me too number three…
Third, take care of any tasks or errands or housework that she may need help with. This should include any meals or childcare (if you are experiencing secondary infertility) that she would normally be involved in. Make sure that you are taking care of her too (meals, water etc. if she is having a hard time coping)
If your able and she's up to it, plan a special day for the two of you to experience something new that’s on your bucket list or take that day trip you've been talking about.
If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, together consider gifting her a piece of birthstone jewelry or other keepsake as a remembrance of the child you lost. You can also check out my infertility gift guide HERE.
Finally, express your love and support for her in whatever way you feel comfortable doing. By being supportive and understanding, you can help make Mother's Day a little bit easier for your wife and help her through this challenging time.
I hope that at least one of these tips resonates with you and that you’ll be able to use it in your own life. If not, please share in the comments what has worked for you when trying to support your wife through infertility.
Thank you for being there for her—she will appreciate it more than you know.
The journey to conceive can be fraught with unexpected challenges, as highlighted by the painful experiences of individuals who suffered due to unperformed medical tests. These stories reveal how a lack of specific diagnostic tests before starting treatment can lead to repeated failed procedures, unnecessary heartache, and significant financial burden. Advocacy for oneself in the healthcare system is crucial to ensure access to the best possible care and to avoid missed opportunities for prevention and treatment.
For example, a simple test for a condition that often presents infertility as its only symptom could have prevented years of unsuccessful fertility treatments and heartbreaking miscarriages for one couple. Another scenario details the frustration and deepened anger of learning about a fundamental genetic test only after numerous failed interventions. Such oversights underscore the importance of comprehensive initial testing to avoid preventable losses and emotional trauma.
The blog post emphasizes the need for patients to be proactive in their healthcare journey, especially when it comes to fertility issues. Recommending tests for conditions like balanced translocation disorder, extended thyroid panels, and natural killer cells, the post urges individuals to seek these out as part of their pre-treatment assessments to safeguard their investments in IVF and enhance their chances of a successful pregnancy. Through these narratives, the post advocates for informed self-advocacy in navigating the often complex process of fertility treatment.
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